I guess my shameless self-promotion actually worked because I came in second in the Query Tracker contest for purple prose. (You can click on that link to see proof!)
Thanks to everyone who voted for me!
It's actually kind of funny, because I really have no idea who reads this blog. I've been wondering lately if the fact that I posted something here really made a difference or not. I mean, how many fellow writers actually read my ramblings? Because if you're not a fellow writer, then you probably don't have a Query Tracker account. (Unless, of course, you're my beloved aunt who apparently signed up for a Query Tracker account just so she could vote for my purple prose. Thank you, Aunt Sandi!)
And that leads me to another perhaps more disturbing question: why did writing purple prose come so easily to me? Does it come this easily to every aspiring writer? Are we really all naturals at writing over-the-top, long-winded, ridiculous sentences with tons of adverbs, adjectives, and figures of speech?
This makes me think the real work of writing comes in after you've vomited all that purple up on paper. Then you have to kind of sift through the muck to pick out the good stuff.