I can't stop smiling.
I've been kidnapped and am being held hostage at the unbelievably gorgeous Skamania Lodge in southern Washington State. My room looks out over the Columbia River Gorge.
My abductor says the reason he took me away is because our anniversary is on Friday. He says I've been married to him for ten years. Ten years! Can you believe the nerve of this guy?
When we arrived this afternoon, he took me on a two-mile hike on the trails around the lodge. We saw a woodpecker, for goodness sake. The meadows were covered in fern and wildflower. I actually cried on the trail, it was so beautiful.
But that was not all. No, that was not all.
Tonight he forced me to eat the most succulent steak I've ever tasted. It practically melted in my mouth. For appetizers he made me eat crab cakes and spinach salad. For dessert, brownies with ice cream and strawberries. Terrible man!
Then we sat in front of the lodge in lawn chairs and, while drinking hot cider, watched the clouds turn pink.
Tomorrow he says we have to do more hiking and have a picnic lunch.
And this place he brought me to has an outdoor hot tub and an indoor heated pool and a work out room with elliptical trainers. Worst of all, he says he's going to pay for me to have a massage tomorrow evening. A massage!
I keep asking him, what's the ransom? When do I get to go home? I've gotta get back to cooking and dishes and small people who hit each other and yell, "Why aren't you getting me my breakfast?" But for some reason, he doesn't seem to be taking me seriously.
Maybe it's because I can't stop smiling.