Four a.m. comes too early.
But my body clock is set to wake. No matter what time I go to sleep.
Either I hear her cry or, if I'm in too deep a sleep, Gabe brings her in. I hear her feet pad across the carpet. I reach down and pull her into our big bed. She curls up into me and goes back to sleep.
But I lie awake, until the Dashingly Handsome Sidekick's alarm goes off.
Then I roll over and lie awake in the other direction.
Many days now, Olivia will also make her way into our room with her pillow and curl up across the foot of our bed. I keep my knees up tight so I won't accidentally kick her.
By the time I finally drift back to sleep, my alarm's going off and it's time to peel myself out of bed.
But I'm weary. I know these days will pass. There will come a day when Sophie doesn't wake up at four, when Olivia doesn't lie across the foot of my bed, when I can sleep straight through and not have endless morning hours of THINKING.
Then again, there are gifts: Snuggling close to my baby. Listening to my older daughter breathing. And the thoughts. It's good to have time to think in the quiet and stillness. And this morning, when I returned Sophie to her crib, I saw the sunrise.
I just wish the next day I weren't so tired. That's what I won't miss.