Monday, May 21, 2012

Flash Fiction Blogfest: Lightning Flashed



Lightning flashed.
Thunder answered and the light above the bathtub went out with a pop.
Faye blinked in the new darkness. Funny how one bulb could make everything feel warmer.
She groped for the plug and let the water gargle out, swirling around her thin body, her hanging skin.
She heaved herself to a stand, carefully, because last year Lois Skelpy slipped in the tub. Fell and broke both tail bone and hip. She would’ve lived forever, otherwise.
Lois had been Faye’s last friend.
Faye made it to the bathmat and fumbled for the towel. Damn if the candles weren’t downstairs in the kitchen.
But she knew this house and could walk it blind. Here she’d been born. Here she’d lived for nigh on eighty-six years, for the last fifty, alone.
She pulled on her terrycloth robe, shivering as she tied the knot in front.
Another flash lit the room and Faye saw her father standing at the sink, head cocked back, a razor poised under his chin.
Her heart leapt dangerously.
“Daddy?” Her voice resonated in the swallowing dark.
Thunder cracked.
Faye shuffled forward, her ropey hands holding the robe closed at her neck.
She smelled the pomade from his hair, the zingy scent of his aftershave. She heard him whistling “Black Water Blues” under his breath, low so as not to wake Mama.
The idea of Mama sleeping peacefully in the next room choked her. It was too wonderful.
“Daddy,” she whispered.
She reached out, but her hand slipped through air.
A gust of wind smacked the house and rain started, rattling the window, pelting the oak leaves.
Another flash and Faye knew she was alone.
“Daddy always loved a good storm,” she said aloud. But it was only an explanation to the medicine cabinet.
**
Thanks to Cherie for hosting this blogfest!
Bloggy Writerly Friends - have you ever tried your hand at short fiction? Do you enjoy it?



39 comments:

  1. Ooh,nice! I like how you gave us a feel of the character. ;D

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  2. That was great!
    No, I've never written ashort fiction piece before.

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  3. I love this--it's so mysterious and haunting! The details are spot-on. Awesome job!

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  4. Don't tell me you just whipped this up. I can picture her perfectly ...

    And yes, I do write short fiction and enjoy it, though it can take me up to a year to polish a story.

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  5. Thank you for entering my 2nd Annual Flash Fiction Blogfest! The six finalists will be announced on Friday, May 25th. I will further comment on your entry on Thursday.

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  6. I very much enjoy short fiction. Thanks for posting thiswas a fun read.

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  7. What a lovely piece, and it brings back memories for me. My Dad loves storms too and I remember as a kid him trying to photograph the lightning. He missed it every time; not a single photo with lightning in!

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  8. I love how the storm reminds her of her father shaving in front of the mirror. There are images that are burned into our memories. I could feel her comfort. Thanks for sharing.

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  9. Excellent writing, Amy!
    I pretty much stink at short fiction, actually. I'm trying to learn, but it's such a different form.

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  10. Fabulous characterization in this! Wonderful emotional context.

    I love the blurring of age -- how an eighty-six-year-old becomes like a little girl at the sight of her father and thought of her mother sleeping in the next room. And also -- how it starts in a bathtub. Perfect for your blog's name. ;^)

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  11. Brilliant characterisation, I could see Faye so easily. The ending was so sad and lonely. Beautiful.

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  12. oh, snap! LOVE it! That is one creepy, awesome ghost story. But I also loved the whole thing about worrying about falling and living forever. I could see the entire scene. Nicely done! :o) <3

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  13. The rich description really set the scene. Great story!

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  14. Oh this is heartbreaking, Amy. Beautiful, but heartbreaking. Sigh.

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  15. Ah, this is amazing! You captured her hurt so well

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  16. Very poignant. I wondered for a bit if she had died in the bathtub, but yours was a much nicer ending!

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  17. This had my heart pounding as soon as the light bulb burst :)

    Great story!

    Andrea

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  18. Wow. I couldn't figure out if you were going to murder Faye or not at first. Then I felt so sad for her....*sniff* I'm going to go call my mom now.

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  19. Great entry Amy! Love your writing and the details you weaved in.

    This sounded like fun so I entered!

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  20. This was both chilling and heartbreaking. Really excellent. I loved the description at the beginning, and your use of onomatopoeic adjectives.

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  21. My chills still haven't subsided. You are a definite contender! If I was a betting girl, I'd put it on your entry.

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  22. Wow. It's perfect. So perfect. I love all your writing, Amy. But this one is haunting.

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  23. WOW! Love it, Amy!! *applause* Can't wait for your first book to come out!

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  24. Ooo, lovely how you brought in those happy memories of her past with the storm. It gave that "time is running out" feel more depth. A bit of hope to go along with the approaching end of her life. Very nice.

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  25. I loved all the touches of character and setting.

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  26. That was wonderfully written. Haunting and emotional. Well done!

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  27. What can I say? You deserve some cheese. That was awesome-sauce!

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  28. Great piece of flash. Well done
    Xx

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  29. Very nice. Poor Faye. I don't want to be last!

    Great details and characterization. And no, I've never written a short piece like this.

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  30. This is mysterious, haunting, and beautifully done. Nice job!

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  31. I never considered how scary it would be to find oneself in the dark while taking a bath. Your description is vivid and economical. Excellent story.

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  32. Loved how thunder answered and the atmosphere of a dark and stormy night was perfectly evoked - I was afraid for a minute her dad was there to, you know, take her...

    well done!

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  33. The image of her father in front of the mirror really came to life. A sad, yet comforting piece. Great read!

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  34. This was both sad and chilling. Lovely piece, Amy.

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  35. Whoa, completely unexpected. I wonder if she really saw a ghost or what happened to her.

    I'll announce the finalists tomorrow. :)

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  36. Bittersweet, but wonderfully written. You got this moment with Faye down well.

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  37. Ditto on the bittersweet comment, above. Made me go a bit onion-eyed. :-)
    Some Dark Romantic

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