It's here! It's here! Below is my entry, as originally written, all typos included. Brace yourselves. And bear with me. I was fifteen. (And check out the bottom of the post for other participants!)
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| Blast from the past: my little brother and me, circa 1992. |
Dear Diary,
I'm feeling sorta depressed, but I'm trying not to show it. I'm not feeling really depressed, nor do I show that I'm depressed. In fact, I don't know what I'm feeling--I've never felt this way before.
Yesterday was Saturday and as always I had a hope that maybe Sam would ask me out (he probably never will and I'm not sure I want him to--but I'm always rehearsing what I'll say if he does.) My hopes expanded when I saw him write on a piece of paper in Harveys-- I (heart) _ _ _! (My name is Amy so that's why I had hope.) At the same time I was racking my brain for girls names that had three letters in them. (By the way, I could only think of my name and the name JOY, but I'm sure there's many more.)
We got to Jack n' the Box (my favourite fast food) and Sarah Crutchfield sat across from me. (It was Sam's b'day on Wednesday and he got the best present for him-- 2 more school records and the placing of 10th in the colony, or something like that.) All of a sudden she says: "Sam got the best present for his birthday..." I was expecting her to say that he broke two school records, etc, but she said instead: "he got a girlfriend for his birthday." My heart jumped. I smiled at him as cheerily as possible and changed the subject.
Oh, I forgot. We were sitting in Harveys and listening to these rappers called Commission or something and I saw that Sam had something written on his hand. (It said, "Will you go with me?" -- I think) Danny got the pen and added "out" before "with" and "me." I said, "What does it say?" and Sam showed me. Then Danny said, "It's not for you" and I said, "Phew!" and Danny said, "That's not very nice." I feel bad and confused. I don't know what to think.
How Sarah Crutchfield ever found out that Sam got a girlfriend for his present before I knew is beyond me - unless this "woman" goes to Sha Tin. I thought Sam and I were AT LEAST friends-- so why didn't he tell me he has a girlfriend? Why would Sarah find out before me? I don't understand this at all!! I'm sorta depressed for two reasons: 1) because Sam is going out with someone else and didn't even tell me, 2) I'm so confused ... I don't know what's going on!!
I'm not really madly in love with Sam -- don't get me wrong -- and we still walk home together and talk a lot ... nothing has changed, except my knowledge.
He doesn't come to my church (evening ECC) anymore ... that's the only change.
I'm going to take a shower -- all this talk has been reminding me of all sorts of stupid things - and is making me depressed.
Lots of love,
Amy
P.S. Tina Rae is going out with Jimmy.
P.S.S. :) Naomi in Stand Up for God is really sweet. We were both watching and talking yesterday at basketball. She's really sweet. :)
Now this could be really embarrassing because I'm friends with all the people mentioned in this diary entry on Facebook. But enough time has passed for this not to be embarrassing anymore, right? RIGHT?
Here are all the other brave souls participating today! Have fun hopping, everyone!
Nice entry! The awkward and confusing moments of being a teenager are kind of fun to look back on, miserable as they may have been at the time.
ReplyDeleteAnd I think enough time has passed to safely share this. I doubt any of them will hold it against you anyway!
I think we must have posted at the same time. Now go to bed! :-)
ReplyDeleteWow, that's some heavy stuff for a 15-year-old! Did the shower help clear your mind? So glad I was focused on sports and not boys at that age. LOL!
Wow. You were quite indecisive in that first paragraph. Poor Amy got thrown for a loop by Sam. :)
ReplyDeleteI love all the P.S.es at the end. I think I used them a lot in my high school note writing.
This was seriously your best idea for a blog hop EVER. Tears are streaming down my face in mad giggles. AMY!!! The first paragraph plus the P.S.s could have stood alone. And all the indecisiveness. This is the most perfect perfect perfect Dear Diary I have ever read.
ReplyDeleteYou poor girl! :) This is a perfect look into a teen mind. Confusion, indecision and a little fear
ReplyDeleteThe trying to think of three letter girls names sounds like something I would've done but I probably would've only come up with my own.
ReplyDeleteI also love the PS.
Ah, I remember those horribly confusing sort-of crushes. Too funny. :)
ReplyDeleteCute entry. I kind of wish I could've written that kind of entry at that age, instead of being that serious, intellectual teen who'd rather write about literature, world events, and history!
ReplyDeleteAmy, I was laughing so hard! WITH you, of course. ;) Having teenage daughters, it resonated with me.
ReplyDeleteCatherine Denton
I'm laughing so hard ... I never went through any of it so all this angst over some boy cracks me up.
ReplyDeleteYou were a good writer even back then! And kudos for having the courage to post this.
Me -- I used to write on scraps of paper and throw them away. If I didn't, I'd have gotten into trouble. And I did, when my mother found these papers. It took me a long time before I began to write again ... but I still felt a great sense of relief when I threw away 10 years of notebooks when we moved.
I love how you tell your diary your name.
ReplyDeleteAnd how you were depressed but not showing you were depressed or really feeling that way.
Oh, it is to laugh.
i love that you explained to your diary what your name was. :) i still think showers are a great way to clear your head, even when you're not worrying about boys.
ReplyDeleteHey, when I was that age, it's tough on guys, too.
ReplyDeleteSincerely,
Unrequited Teen
Nice to meet you, Amy! I just wandered over here from Christa's blog, and your entries have inspired me to enter this blog hop myself. Isn't it amazing how vulnerable and passionate and confused we were at age fifteen?
ReplyDeleteMany thanks to you and Christa for such a fun idea for a blog hop!
ReplyDeleteI think your entry perfectly captures that uncertainty of being a teen. You're confused and you don't feel good about it, so of course you think you're depressed, but you're still just slightly self-aware enough to know that it's not really being depressed, and besides, you're an energetic teen, so you bounce back quickly. Annnnd that's one crazy sentence I just wrote. Anyway, thanks for sharing this little peak into the weird and wonderful mind of that species known as teenager.
Ah, this is so perfect. I can't imagine a better look at the teenage psyche. Love it! I think about how much time I spent wondering what boys were thinking... And they probably weren't thinking anything!
ReplyDeleteThis really made me smile--you were so wise to keep a good journal so you can remember those great teenage emotions!
ReplyDeleteAh, those teenage years! I loved reading your entry! It reminded me a lot of the journal entries I wrote during those years. One of these days I'll have to go pull my journals out and read them.
ReplyDeleteNo, I don't think this is embarrassing.
ReplyDeleteI loved how you made it look like a letter with "lots of love" and P.S. I don't think I did that with my journal.
I enjoyed the ups and downs of this entry. Great job showing teen angst!
ReplyDeleteSo much teenage angst. "Nothing has changed, except my knowledge" - loved that line. ;)
ReplyDeletePS - I used PS a lot too.
This was such a good idea for a Bloghop! I read some of the entries from those participating. Some were hilarious, others were really impressive. Even though I didn't participate, I really enjoyed following this. Thanks so much for hosting it!
ReplyDeleteThis is hilarious!! I don't remember this at all - except for eating at jack in the box!! Not sure I even remember who Sam was! I DO remember being depressed a lot - had no idea you struggle too!
ReplyDeleteAt first, when I saw my name, I was SUPER nervous, I thought you were going to implicate me in something incredibly embarrassing. (I'm sure your journal has more than a few of those stories)
ReplyDeleteI'm saying "phew!" right now!