Writing Crap

Kittens in a basket: because a basket of kittens makes everything better.

You know when it's just not working?

You're putting in your time, butt in chair, yet you know what you're producing is utter crap?

The past few days have been that way for me.

Don't get me wrong, I've written plenty of bad scenes before. But usually while I'm busy writing I don't realize they're bad. It's when I re-read that I realize, Oh yeah, that's bad. 

In this case, I know while I'm writing that it's bad. When I go back and re-read, it's still bad.

This isn't the same as writer's block.

What is it? Loss of confidence? Exhaustion?

Did the muse go on summer vacation?

I dissected the problem as I was mopping the floor this morning (because when you can't produce good writing you might as well go mop the floor) and I think I may have figured out at least one reason why I'm struggling.

Lack of percolation time.

See, the dashingly handsome sidekick has been gone on a trip and I have been home with the five kids, which, while not completely different from the normal routine, still requires a good bit of mental preparation and figuring out logistics.

I haven't been thinking about my book in my non-writing-hours. I've been thinking about when I need to get So-and-So up in order to make it to VBS on time, and how I can eke out just a bit more time for my baby's nap before we rush off to the next activity. I've been very adamant about bedtimes and stricter than usual about everything (because I have to be when Daddy's gone).

I haven't allowed my brain to wander.

All that stress must be showing itself on the page.

I wrote through it, however. I'll probably have to rewrite everything I wrote in the last two days, but I'm proud of myself for slogging through.

Today I had a blissful drive in the van that gave my brain a break ... so I think I'm starting to recover. Phew!

How about you? Do you KNOW when you're writing crap and what do you do about it?

Reading is....

...experiencing the thunderstorm from a place of safety

 

My baby daughter stood at the window watching the rain fall, listening to the thunder.

She pointed at the rain, then reached up to touch her hair, as if wondering why the rain wasn't getting her wet.

We can safely experience the world through a good book. 

All the thunder.

All the lightning.

It can be a little scary, but we're never hit, never hospitalized.

With an open window we can even smell the rain, taste it, maybe even feel the sharp, cold splatters on our cheeks, but we're never drenched.

This must be one of the allures of reading. 

What else draws you to a good book? 

My So-Called Teenage Life Blog Hop

It's here! It's here! Below is my entry, as originally written, all typos included. Brace yourselves. And bear with me. I was fifteen. (And check out the bottom of the post for other participants!)

Blast from the past: my little brother and me, circa 1992.

March 15, 1992

Dear Diary,

I'm feeling sorta depressed, but I'm trying not to show it. I'm not feeling really depressed, nor do I show that I'm depressed. In fact, I don't know what I'm feeling--I've never felt this way before.

Yesterday was Saturday and as always I had a hope that maybe Sam would ask me out (he probably never will and I'm not sure I want him to--but I'm always rehearsing what I'll say if he does.) My hopes expanded when I saw him write on a piece of paper in Harveys-- I (heart) _ _ _! (My name is Amy so that's why I had hope.) At the same time I was racking my brain for girls names that had three letters in them. (By the way, I could only think of my name and the name JOY, but I'm sure there's many more.)

We got to Jack n' the Box (my favourite fast food) and Sarah Crutchfield sat across from me. (It was Sam's b'day on Wednesday and he got the best present for him-- 2 more school records and the placing of 10th in the colony, or something like that.) All of a sudden she says: "Sam got the best present for his birthday..."  I was expecting her to say that he broke two school records, etc, but she said instead: "he got a girlfriend for his birthday." My heart jumped. I smiled at him as cheerily as possible and changed the subject.

Oh, I forgot. We were sitting in Harveys and listening to these rappers called Commission or something and I saw that Sam had something written on his hand. (It said, "Will you go with me?" -- I think) Danny got the pen and added "out" before "with" and "me." I said, "What does it say?" and Sam showed me. Then Danny said, "It's not for you" and I said, "Phew!" and Danny said, "That's not very nice." I feel bad and confused. I don't know what to think.

How Sarah Crutchfield ever found out that Sam got a girlfriend for his present before I knew is beyond me - unless this "woman" goes to Sha Tin. I thought Sam and I were AT LEAST friends-- so why didn't he tell me he has a girlfriend? Why would Sarah find out before me? I don't understand this at all!! I'm sorta depressed for two reasons: 1) because Sam is going out with someone else and didn't even tell me, 2) I'm so confused ... I don't know what's going on!!

I'm not really madly in love with Sam -- don't get me wrong -- and we still walk home together and talk a lot ... nothing has changed, except my knowledge.

He doesn't come to my church (evening ECC) anymore ... that's the only change.

I'm going to take a shower -- all this talk has been reminding me of all sorts of stupid things - and is making me depressed.

Lots of love,
Amy

P.S. Tina Rae is going out with Jimmy.

P.S.S. :) Naomi in Stand Up for God is really sweet. We were both watching and talking yesterday at basketball. She's really sweet. :)

Now this could be really embarrassing because I'm friends with all the people mentioned in this diary entry on Facebook. But enough time has passed for this not to be embarrassing anymore, right? RIGHT?

Here are all the other brave souls participating today! Have fun hopping, everyone!

Summer Survival

Summer is here and life in our house has gone from crazy-but-manageable to haywire. Part of it, I'm sure, is because I haven't perfected the summer schedule, but there's also a lot of adjusting to do. The dashingly handsome sidekick is teaching summer school for the first time and starting his National Boards. I'm looking at the weeks ahead wondering how I'm going to keep my head on, nevermind straight.

Which reminds me that I have to be smart. Work smarter, not harder. Take care of myself.

And when I talk about self care, I'm not talking about pampering. People in my stage of life don't often have money for babysitters and spa days and vacations by the lake. We have to use the resources we have available to stay sane, stay healthy, stay happy.

Here are some ways I'm going to try to be smarter this summer when life is at its most demanding:

1. Sleep more: Go to bed at a reasonable time; don't let myself stay up super late writing and editing. I know staying up into the wee hours will bite me the next day and usually those late-night pushes don't produce my best work anyway.
2. Drink more water: It's so easy for me to get busy and forget to drink water. Also, when I'm tired, I usually head for the caffeinated sodas in the refrigerator. Less soda, more water!
3. Eat well: Hello fresh fruits and veggies! There's such a wide variety of produce this time of year. I want to enjoy it. And my body will thank me, too.
4. Walk more: Though we're still on a schedule in the summer, it doesn't have to be as rigid as during the school year. I want to take advantage of every opportunity I have to get out of the house, skip the car ride, and walk with my baby jogger to our destination. The kids might complain at first, but they'll get used to it. 
5. Give the kids chores: I'm already listening to too much of the "I'm Bored" chorus at our house. I'm putting these bored kids to work. Weeding, dishes, vacuuming, dusting, to name a few.
6. One activity a day: Someone recently mentioned this when we were talking about summer survival. Every day she picked one activity to do with her kids. It didn't have to be big, exhausting or expensive. Maybe they played in the sprinkler, maybe they rode bikes to the corner store, maybe they baked cookies, maybe they spent the morning at the pool, but every day they picked one thing and did it. That sounds doable to me.
7. Read more: It's crazy that I actually end up reading less with my children during summer than I do during the school year. I need to remember that it's okay to pick up books and read in the middle of the day. Reading doesn't have to be reserved for bedtime.
8. Pray, laugh & sing: This may sound simple, but so often these are not my reactions when stress hits. When I have three children crying simultaneously, I'm more likely to start blubbering than singing. As the mom, I so often set the mood in my home. I want it to be a good mood, even in the not-so-good moments.

This is my summer survival plan. Anything else you'd add to the list?

Photo credit: Irish_Eyes from morguefile.com

I Recommend: Spoon & Chopsticks

There are a lot of small people in my house, so I've become quite an avid picture book admirer. 

Here are two books I've come across lately:

SPOON

And SPOON's not-quite-sequel ("more like a change in place setting") CHOPSTICKS

Both are adorable, clever, and utterly re-readable.

All five of my kids enjoy these books.

My older kids love the puns.

My younger kids love the sweet stories.

They all love the pictures.

So, if you're looking for a fun read for a child in your life

(or for yourself!)

I recommend SPOON and CHOPSTICKS. 

Have you read these? 

Now for a quick kitten fix:

And if you haven't signed up yet, there's less than a week until...

More info & sign up linky here!

Have a fabulous weekend, everyone!

(My dashingly handsome sidekick comes home from football camp tomorrow night. And then I'm going to SLEEP for awhile. What are your weekend plans?)

Heartbreak

I found out last week that a good friend of ours from China had suddenly and unexpectedly passed away. He and his wife were living in Texas and since his wife is one of my best friends, I flew down for the memorial service with Baby.

It was wonderful to see my dear, sweet friend. Heartbreaking to see the raw pain in her eyes.

Several other friends from China also traveled to be at the service and that part was an amazing reunion. But what a reason to meet again! We all wished we could come together to celebrate, not grieve.

But, as my friend so wisely says, "It is what it is."

Sometimes life is like that. Things are what they are. It's rare to find an explanation on this earth. We have to wait for it.

In Chinese we call that same sentiment mei banfa. Accepting what we cannot change.

I was so honored to be with my sweet, strong friend. Thank you to all the people who made the trip possible.

My sister-and brother-in-law gave up a huge number of air miles to buy me a free ticket.

My cousin gave me a place to stay one night, and Kristin Rae opened her home to me another night and bought me Red Mango yogurt.

Friends from China paid for my dinners.

My friend's mother-in-law treated me like one of the family and invited me to hang out at her house with everyone the day after the memorial service. She even let Baby nap on one of her beds.

My sister-in-law and mother-in-law in Washington watched my kids while the dashingly handsome sidekick was at work.

So many people blessed me.

My cousin even lent me his GPS so I wouldn't get lost in Houston!

It was a crazy, quick, emotionally devastating, but also strangely uplifting trip. I'm exhausted, glad to be home, but with my sweet friend and her two little girls always on my heart.

Say a prayer for them if you think of it.


"...We do not want you to be ignorant about those who fall asleep, or to grieve like the rest of men, who have no hope. We believe that Jesus died and rose again and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him."  (I Thessalonians 4: 13-14, NIV)

Andrew Fukuda: THE HUNT

Oh, you guys. This is such a special author interview for me because ... okay, I'm almost hyperventilating with excitement here ... I went to school with Andrew Fukuda in Hong Kong. (Yes, really.)

I ran into his brother down in L.A. and  Andy's HUGE book deal came up in conversation and I was like, "Do you think he'd let me interview him? Do you think he'll remember me?" *nervous star-struck quaking ensues*

I don't know if Andrew remembered me or not, but he did graciously agree to come on my blog. And I'm SO THRILLED.

THE HUNT is out now and it looks amazing!

 
Tell us about your book in one sentence.

Gene, a 17 year old in a bleak world where humans have been eaten to near extinction and who has survived by painstakingly concealing his true species, is chosen to hunt down the last few remaining humans.

Who or what inspired THE HUNT?

The Hunt likely began while watching Adam Lambert’s performance of Mad World on American Idol. The following lyrics made an impression, and stayed with me for days afterwards.

Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me, no one knew me
Hello teacher tell me what’s my lesson
Look right through me, look right through me.

From those lyrics, a single image popped into my head: of a boy sitting in a classroom, desperately lonely despite the many students around him, wanting to be ignored. This boy had a secret, I came to see, one so awful that if it were ever made known his otherwise civil classmates would–in a split second–kill him. I pondered what that secret might be. When it came to me, I literally jumped out of my seat: the boy was the only surviving human in a world filled with vampire-like creatures. No existence could be lonelier or scarier than that.

How long have you been writing?

Probably from the time I was thirteen or fourteen. To pass time during interminable classes, I'd write short stories. My classmates were entertained by them, and I began to think maybe I had a talent. I once collaborated on a short story with my twin brother during French class, and it was this sprawling, epic apocalyptic story about how the classroom, then the school, then Hong Kong, then the whole world was taken over by trillions of rabid ants.  I wish I could dig up that story because it really was quite enthralling!

How long did it take you to write THE HUNT?

It took about a year. I wrote it at a time when I was extremely busy with work, with family life, and with my church. I didn't have a lot of free time. But I committed myself to writing 1400 words per week (or 200 per day), which is not a lot, but which will give you a YA-length novel after a year. When the book really started coming into its own, I'd wake up extra early to write before the workday began. But it took a go-for-broke tenacity to get it done!

What's your favorite novel of all time?

NOOOOO!!!!! The one-favorite-novel question! Okay, okay, if I had to choose only one, it would have to be this obscure novel titled Never Let Me Go on The Road to Watership Down on Cold Mountain. The author's name eludes me at the moment, but I think it's something long like Mr. Kazuo Adams Charles McIshiguro Cormac Frazier. Or something like that.

   

 If you had to eat only one food for a whole week, what would it be?

Doritos! For one whole week! Woohoo!

Tell us about your ideal vacation.

I am such a boring person: a beach resort with my family and a great book. And Doritos.

Name the best city in the entire world.

Hong Kong. It's an incredible, awesome city.*

Do you have a day job?

I'm a full-time author! Before that, I worked a number of years as a prosecutor. Like all lawyers, I hated my job and jumped ship at the first opportunity. Just kidding! I actually loved being a prosecutor. But fulfilling as it was, my love for writing ran deeper and truer. After The Hunt trilogy was bought by St. Martin's Press at auction, I was able to quit my lawyer job and write full-time. A dream come true for which I'm daily grateful.

Any advice for aspiring authors?

Write 200 words a day. After a year, you'll have a novel-length manuscript. Still, I feel blessed because I know getting published requires so much more than simply writing 200 words a day. Luck, gumption, talent, a great editor, a savvy agent – all, and much more, are needed, and many of these are beyond your control. But there are also things you do control, and 200 words a day is one of them. Now, when people ask me what it takes to get published, I say: start with 200 words a day. And anyone can do that.

Thank you for letting me pry you with weird questions, Andy, and I love your advice at the end. Congratulations and I wish you every success in your career!


*Andy knew he had to answer this question correctly or face my wrath.

Giving Voice Blogfest: Our Story

I will tell it briefly.

Our story begins when it was only me
in high school
visiting a Chinese orphanage
and finding a baby
a cleft lip and palate precious baby
left to die
in a dark room

And how my heart moaned
over that injustice

But how that injustice was
a seed
planted in my chest
blossoming into want
blossoming into need
blossoming into action
six years later

When I saw my baby girl
for the first time
in the second bed
on the right
in the baby room
at the Tianjin orphanage

How she longed for a voice
that tiny, struggling
always struggling
beautiful girl

How I cried
when the much-anticipated
surgery took place
to repair her mouth

My baby lost her
wide smile

But through that gift
found her voice

And now she's earned her place
as the number one talker
in our family

My beautiful
brilliant
girl
who struggled for life


and found it


Thanks to Madeleine Maddocks who is hosting the Giving Voice Blogfest today! Stop by her blog to click through to other entries.