In case you're tempted to think I'm living the charmed life over here....
I'm a soccer mom now. Officially. I have two kids in soccer, two in ballet, two in gymnastics.
Raising these wonderful, outgoing children requires a level of organizational skills I do not possess.
Case in point:
1) Time for ballet for Child #1, soccer for Child #2. Plan: Quick drop off of Child #1 at studio, followed by quick drop off of Child #2 at soccer field. Watch half of soccer game. Go fetch Child #1. Return to soccer game.
2) Cannot find soccer socks (five minutes until ballet)
3) Frantic searching
4) Child #1 announces that her mother (who, me?) forgot to sew the band on her new ballet shoes.
5) Frantic sewing
6) Knots in the thread
7) Thread breaks
8) If I could use curse words around my children, I would; replaced curse words with inarticulate mumblings
9) "Oh, well, never mind! We don't have the socks! Here're your shoes! Let's go!"
10) Check back of van for fold-out chairs for soccer game
11) Ensure all five children made it into the car and are buckled in
12) Drive madly down hill (five minutes late for ballet and counting)
12) Driving past the elementary school, Child #1says, "Mom, the back of our van is open."
13) Screech! of brakes. "Our what?"
Yep. I did that.
Feeding said wonderful, outgoing children also takes a certain set of (*ahem*) skills:
1) Drive to the grocery store
2) Pull into parking lot
3) "Shoot! Forgot my coupons!"
4) Drive home
5) Get coupons
6) Drive back to store
7) Retrieve children from vehicle, as well as shopping cart cover to protect seven-month-old from germs
8) While putting protective cover onto cart, I notice something slimy yellow smeared on it.
9) Glance down to find shiny yellow substance smeared on my shirt
10) Notice shiny yellow substance oozing from the sides of baby's diaper
11) Make decision only a professional mother can make:
LOGICAL POINT 1: The baby already has poop all over her.
LOGICAL POINT 2: So does the shopping cart cover.
LOGICAL POINT 3: My shirt? Oh well. I can cover it with my arm.
LOGICAL POINT 4: I have coupons.
LOGICAL POINT 5: I'm at the store.
LOGICAL POINT 6: I'm going shopping!
So, yeah, I grocery shopped covered in poop. It was a very hygienic day.
How's your charmed life going?